Babysitting Blues
by Queen of Black Cats
Summary: Pepper's stuck babysitting, so she's naturally bored. She decides to draw in her diary. But when Rhodey comes over and eventually Tony, what will happen? The kid turns traitor, Rhodey starts crying, Pepper's trying to put herself into a coma and Tony.....
1. The Reveal

"I hope no one sees me like this." Pepper whispered to herself. She was babysitting for her neighbor and knew that in her school, many rumors began from that. 'I don't want to wind up like Anne; no body would leave her and her boyfriend alone for weeks. Everyone was saying that the kid she was babysitting was hers and her boyfriends.' she thought. She bounced Emma, her neighbor's 2 yr. old, on her hip as she doodled in her sketchbook. Tony this, Tony that. You name any possible way she could have written his name, it was in her notebook, surrounded by hearts. Someone knocked on the door. Pepper got up and answered it; a very unhappy Emma cried on the couch, "Pick up! Pick up!" she said. Pepper ran back over and picked her back up.

"Pepper!, are you home?" Rhodey shouted through the door.

"Yeah, hang on!" She opened the door and stepped back to let him in.

"Whose kid? Yours and Tony's?" Rhodey asked.

"NO!" Pepper yelled, "I'm babysitting! Besides, I couldn't have had a kid yet."

"TMI Pepper. I didn't need to know that. But I think I know why Tony doesn't like you."

"I don't like him! Who said that? And even if I did like him, why wouldn't he like me?"

'I can think of a lot of reasons for that. Let's see, you talk too much,…'

"Hello, Earth to Rhodey?" Pepper said, waving a hand in front of him. "Why wouldn't Tony like me?"

"Oh, sorry. You have nothing."

"What?"

"Uh, I just told you."

"I don't get it though!"

"Oh. I meant that you have nothing, umm……on top." It took a little bit of thinking for that to sink in, but when it did, Pepper was mad.

"Rhodey! That is the most…" she began to shriek. And then there was another knock at the door.

"Pepper, let me in! I know you're home! I hear Rhodey and you screaming at each other." Tony said from outside the room. Pepper turned a deep red and let Tony in.

"Why are you and Rhodey arguing?" he asked.

"I was just saying that your kid is cute." Rhodey said to tick Pepper off.

"Excuse me? That's her neighbor's kid!" Tony said, embarrassed like Pepper. "I want to know the real reason, please?"

"Fine. I was just telling Pepper why you don't like her like she likes you." he said.

"I already told you that I don't like Tony like that!" Pepper shouted. Emma watched with interest as her babysitter told a downright lie. 'My babysitter is crazy.' So, adding to Pepper's and Tony embarrassment and Rhodey's fun, Emma slipped off the couch where Pepper had put her. She grabbed Pepper's sketchbook and gave it to Rhodey. He flipped through it with interest and noticed that this wasn't just a sketchbook. It was also a diary, ironically given to Pepper by Tony.

"Give this girl a cookie! She just gave me the best proof I could wish for to embarrass you!" Rhodey said excitedly.

"Rhodey, don't! That's my diary! It's the only thing I can tell everything that won't usually tell other people!" Pepper screeched.

"Pep, that didn't make any sense." Tony said. 'Oops, I used her pet name in front of Rhodey. She's gonna kill me the first chance she gets. I bet she wouldn't mind strangling me; it'd give a chance to get her hands on me for more than 2 seconds. Not only that, she'd probably release any and all pent up kissing fantasies on me first. And, she'd get to be alone with me. Ick, images!' Tony thought.

"Did you just call me 'Pep' in front of Rhodey? I thought you knew what I'd do to you if you ever called me by your pet name for me in front of anyone!" Pepper screamed. Rhodey was laughing so hard he was crying. But he wasn't laughing at Pepper's screaming; he was laughing at Tony's face.

"You…you call her 'Pep'? That proves you like each other! And Pepper, you can't deny that you like Tony because I've got proof here! Let's see, oh here's a good one! _Dear diary, I think I know why Tony doesn't like me… _Wow Pepper, you put a heart around Tony's name. Anyway, _I think it's because I have nothing on top (referring to a health class related topic, you know, female anatomy and periods (which I'm still waiting for!)_." Rhodey blinked and flushed, Tony was as red as his Iron Man suit and Pepper was banging her head against the doorframe as Rhodey laughed and continued to read. "Continuing on; _As I was saying before, that's why I think Tony doesn't like me._ Well Pepper,why don't you just ask him why he doesn't like you?"

Emma sat laughing at Pepper and Tony's reactions to this problem. "Show drawings! Show hearts!" she giggled.

"Ok, where are the drawings Emma?" Rhodey asked the toddler. She held out her little hand for the diary/sketchbook.

"Thank you." she said after he handed her the book. She flipped through the pages with a look of frustration. She couldn't find the page. And then she remembered tat the picture was on the back cover of the book. She gave a triumphant smile to Rhodey and flashed an evil grin to Tony and Pepper. She handed Rhodey the book and pointed to the drawings.

"Ooooooh, lookie here, Tony's name written all over the page and surrounded by hearts, stars and lip gloss marks." Rhodey observed. Emma smiled and high fived Rhodey as Pepper slammed her head repeatedly on the doorframe and Tony sank down behind the couch.

"Can I have cookie now?" Emma asked, remembering what Rhodey had said. Rhodey looked at Pepper, "Where are the cookies?" he asked.

"In-smack-the-smack-top-smack-cabinet." she said, accentuating each word with a smack to the head from the doorframe.


	2. Feathers Are Going To Fly Tonight!

Pepper shut the door and slid down to the floor. She put her head in her hands and cried a little. 'No one's here, so whateve.' she thought. But, she was wrong. Tony was still behind the couch. He was embarrassed, like Pepper, that the toddler turned traitor. Tony liked Pepper, but how Rhodey announced this, was not ideal. But, it did give him hope when he heard that Pepper liked him too.

'I wonder if she knows I'm still here.' he thought.

"I can't believe he knows! I hate Rhodey! I hate him so much!" Pepper sobbed.

"Uh, Pep? You ok?" Tony asked. Pepper jumped up and looked around.

"T…Tony? Why are you still here and where are you anyway?"

"I'm behind the couch. Rhodey pushed it back and now I'm stuck. Little help here?" Pepper pulled the couch away from the wall and Tony stood up. He looked at Pepper and then stared down at the floor. Pepper bit her lip.

"Pep, I'm sorry." Tony said.

"Why are you apologizing? You didn't do anything." Pepper asked.

"Good point." And then out of the blue, they both started laughing.

"Why are we laughing?" Pepper asked. They both shrugged after a moment of thought.

"So, you like me?" Tony asked Pepper. Tears welled in her eyes as Tony looked at her.

"Yes, I do. But that's just me. You probably think I'm insane."

"No, Pep, that's the thing, I don't. I think I like you too."

"But what about Whitney?" Pepper squeaked.

"The hell with her." Tony said. And with that, Pepper tackled him in a hug. Tony fell on the floor and Pepper fell on the couch.

"How did that work out? I land on the floor and you land on the couch. That doesn't make sense." Pepper gave Tony a look that said "Get over it. I don't think anything makes sense anymore."

"Get over it." Pepper said with a smirk.

"Move over, I'm sitting on the couch." Tony announced.

"Nope."

"Fine then. We'll just do this the hard way then." Tony stood up and dumped Pepper off the couch.

"Ouch!" Pepper said as she landed on the floor. Tony jumped down on the couch and looked at Pepper.

"You lose." he said. Pepper glared at Tony. He swung her up onto the couch and Pepper flipped on the tv.

"Does this mean we're going out?" they both asked in unison.

"I guess it does." Tony finally said. Pepper sighed happily and laid her head on Tony's shoulder. An idea suddenly hit her. She reached over the couch and grabbed a pillow. Then she hit Tony with it.

"What the heck was that for?" Tony asked.

"I'm bored." she said and then hit Tony again. He got the idea and grabbed the other pillow. It soon turned into a pillow fight. Make that pillow _war._ Feathers flew as pillows were thrown around. Then, of course, their fun was interrupted.


	3. Fun, It's Always Interrupted!

_'At the Copa/Copacabana/The hottest spot/ North of Havana/At the Copa/Copacabana/Music and passion were always the fashion/At the Copa/They fell in love, love.' _Tony's cell phone sang for his pocket. He looked at the caller I.D.-Rhodey.

"Ugh, not now Rhodey! I'm busy!" Tony groaned into the cell phone.

"Too bad, you could be in the middle of a shower and I wouldn't care! Frankly, neither would the city while it's being attacked dude! So, get your lazy self into that metal suit and then drag you red and yellow self down here pronto!" Rhodey shouted through the phone.

"You're kidding, right?" Tony said, getting up to leave.

"Yes, I'm joking. Honestly Tony, you're so easy it's not even funny."

"Ok, if you're all done annoying me, I'd like to get back to what I was doing."

"And that was?"

"None of you business."

"Well, this time I'm not joking, mom wants you back home from _Pepper's _house, since her parents aren't there." Tony choked on his soda. How did Rhodey know I was still at Pepper's?

"Hey, you still there, or are you kissing Pepper goodbye?"

"No, now shut…"

"Mom, Tony's kiss…" Rhodey began. However, Tony was one step ahead and blew an airhorn into the phone, so that Rhodey would temporarily shut up. It worked.

"Bye Pep." Tony whispered. She'd fallen asleep on the couch. Tony grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled a note explaining everything that had happened. Even more conveniently; the note even provided Pepper with an alibi to the mess of feathers on the floor, should her parents come home earlier than the supposed 10 weeks. He slipped the note under Pepper's hand and left.


	4. Everyone's A Sicko!

"So, what's this I here about you being at Ms. Pepper's house so late?" Mrs. Rhodes asked Tony as he shut the door.

"Nothing Mom. We were just talking. She was babysitting for her neighbor and was bored." Tony said. He had taken to calling Mrs. Rhodes mom since he lived with Rhodey and his family now.

"What was that noise on the other end of phone when James was talking?"

"Mom, it's Rhodey!" he said from the other room.

"Not to me James. Now back to you Tony."

"The noise? It was an airhorn."

"Do I even want to know why?"

"No." Tony said.

"Yes!" Rhodey shouted at the same time.

"Ok, never mind. At least tell me what you were doing. I don't trust teenage boys hyped up on hormones." Mrs. Rhodes said.

"Mom! We were just talking! Jeez! Is everyone a sicko now?" Tony exclaimed.

"Tony, you know I care about you, but right now, I care more about not having a lawsuit because you did something stupid and you and Pepper wind up being parents-to-be." Mrs. Rhodes explained. In the other room, Rhodey was cracking up.

"That reminds me, did you two already have health class?" Mrs. Rhodes asked.

"Yeah, but all we did was learn about the effects of drinking and smoking. Why?" they both said. Immediately, they both wished they hadn't spoken.

"In that case, I think it's time for 'The Talk.'"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" the boys groaned as loud as they could without their voices cracking, which would have been an even bigger to have the conversation that was going to take place in 5 minutes, regardless of their protests.

"Boys, you can protest all you want, but it's going to be discussed and that's the end of the matter." Mrs. Rhodes said firmly in the 'I'm-the-parent,-I-said-so-and-that's-final' voice. Tony and Rhodey exchanged martyred looks and then zoned as Mrs. Rhodes started to talk.

"We'll start girls because you father isn't home yet. Ok, when a girl starts maturing, she may notice that her shirts are getting too tight in the chest area…" Tony and Rhodey pretended to look disgusted as they zoned out. They managed to do this for about 5 minutes and then, much like when you need air because you were underwater, they had to come back to Earth. Lucky for them, they only caught bits and pieces of what Mrs. Rhodes was saying.

"…a few years afterwards, a girl begins her period, or begins to menstruate. This means…"

A few torturous hours later, the boys were able to go bed.

"Dude, we shouldn't have opened our mouths. Even though zoned for of it, what little bit we heard of it was disgusting. Why does Pepper want her period?" Tony complained to his surrogate brother.

"So she's got a reason to wear tight shirts so you can stare at her and so that she has an excuse when she bumps into you and says it's an accident." Rhodey answered.

"Ha? Explain both. I'm too tired to think about the meanings."

"Oh, for crying out loud. The first one meant so that she can stop stuffing her bra to try and impress you like Whitney does naturally. The second one means so that she's got hips big enough so that if she bumps into you, she has proof that she didn't do it purposely."

"DUDE! I was right! Everyone's a sicko!" Tony shrieked from under his pillow, which he'd pulled over his head.


	5. So Much For a First Date

Pepper shook her head as she talked to her neighbor over the phone.

"Can you babysit again? I'm going out and no one else can take Emma." Ms. Dupree asked from the other end of the phone. She was a young, single parent and it was hard to find a babysitter for Emma because no one had the patients to deal with the terrible 2 year old.

"Yes, I can babysit. For 10 hours?" Pepper agreed, though still frantically shaking her head. A huge frown made its way to her face as she heard the amount of time she'd have to put up with Emma. From 2pm to 12am, she'd have to keep Emma entertained.

"Agh! I wanted to bug Tony and Rhodey this weekend!" Pepper groaned when she hung up. The phone rang again and Pepper jumped. Tony's cell # showed up on the caller i.d. and Pepper smiled.

"Hello?"

"Hey Pep. Listen; wanna catch a movie on Saturday?"

"I can't. I have to babysit Emma again."

"Ouch. Oh well."

"Wait! You can hang here. Please?"

"Hmmmmmmmmmmm…"

"Tony!" Pepper exclaimed. He laughed from the other end of the line and then spoke.

"Now Pepper, you know you can't have a boy in the house…" he said, imitating Pepper's dad. She laughed this time and then asked him again.

"Tony, really."

"Ok, see you tomorrow."

*Immensely boring chapter, but I thought it was necessary to next chapter.*


	6. 2's Company,3's A Crowd & 4's Just Crazy

"Ah, finally Tony's here!" Pepper exclaimed after putting up with Emma for 3 hours. She danced to the door and opened it, greeting her guest.

"Pepper, why are you hugging me?" Rhodey asked.

"What? Why are you here? You aren't Tony!" Pepper said.

"No, last time I checked I was James Rhodes; aka Rhodey." he said sarcastically. "And why would he be here anyway?" he snickered.

"Because I invited him." Pepper said while rolling her eyes. She put her hands on her hips and stared at her male companion. He stared back and then out of nowhere, burst out laughing. Pepper took her hands off her hips and her look went from annoyed to somewhere between confused and amused.

"What's so funny?" Pepper asked. "Is there something on my shirt? Did you put a 'kick me' sign on my back?, because if you did, I'll put a 'kill me' sign on yours."

"No...no, it's Em…Emma! She…she's…" and before Rhodey could finish his very slurred sentence, he collapsed and cracked up again. Pepper put her hands back on her hips and glared at her friend, who was currently gasping for air. She kicked him lightly in the side and asked him what was so funny.

"I'm warning you Rhodes, if you don't start talking, I'll kick you harder. If that doesn't work, I'll kick where it counts." Pepper hissed in a threatening voice. That shut Rhodey up long enough for him to choke out an explanation.

"Emma is making fun of you and giving you rabbit ears. Tony's holding her up and he's doing the 'blah, blah, blah' thing and making faces." he said quickly. Pepper whipped around, nearly knocking Tony off his feet. She glared her boyfriend and he smiled a 'you know you love me' smile at her. Yet, the attempt wasn't working.

"We're in trouble aren't we?" Tony asked. Pepper nodded and pointed to Emma.

"Down, now." she commanded. Tony moved the objecting toddler to the couch where Pepper had pointed. "Sit, stay and be quiet." Pepper said to the child and Tony.

"Why?" wailed Emma. She sniffed loudly, caught her breath and continued to wail. Pepper lifted the screaming girl up, took her into her bedroom and closed the door.

"Emma, be quiet. You'll stay here until I say you can come out or until you stop crying. No more crying and no more screaming. If you leave before I say you can, you'll stay here for the rest of the time you're here and you won't get a snack after dinner. I'll tell your mother if you do anything else." Pepper told her in a voice that clearly meant 'behave or suffer the consequences.'

In the other room, the boys were discussing Pepper's odd acts.

"She usually laughs this stuff off or beats us to a pulp. She never does this." Tony whispered. He was worried about his best friend. Had something dangerous take over Pepper? Was something wrong in her family?

"Her fuse's been short the last few days; have you noticed? I think something's up with Pepper." Tony gave his surrogate brother a 'no kidding' look and rolled his eyes.

"It might be stress; I mean she's been dealing with Emma for like 5 days." Tony brought up.

"Good point." Rhodey felt the couch sink as Pepper slid onto it, holding her forehead.

"I can't take this anymore." she nearly cried. She looked at Tony, "Can you grab the bottle of Motrin that's on the counter? My head's killing me."

'I can, but will I?' Tony thought. But he didn't dare say it. He handed Pepper the medicine and she took it without water. But just as she was starting to dose, a door creaked open.


	7. Round 2

Emma tried to tip-toe out of Peppers' bedroom to escape. But, it didn't work out. Pepper stood up, looked at Emma and pointed to the bedroom.

"No." Emma said. Her short brown ponytail bounced as she toddled into the hallway. Pepper followed the child, all the time telling her to go back to the bedroom.

"I don't wanna and I'm not gonna!" she told Pepper defiantly.

'I wish I was allowed to smack this kid! She'd have a big red reminder on her face so she knew what would happen if she misbehaved again.' Pepper said in an even tone in her head. The brown ponytail bobbed out of sight after Emma turned the corner leading to Pepper's parents' room. By the time she'd caught up to Emma, she found the toddler pressing several keys at once on the keyboard of Mr. Potts' computer. On the black screen were innocent looking white codes and random numbers, flashing up as quickly as a breeze. Emma continued to push the keys until the screen turned a cerulean blue color and announced in bold letters, "Beginning to dump physical memory." Pepper shrieked loudly and the scurried to turn off the computer and monitor. When she'd accomplished that, she turned back to where Emma had been standing during this problem. Had been, being the keywords. As it turned out, she'd left the room after the words had stopped coming up on the screen.

'Forget smacking her, I'm gonna kill this kid!' Pepper vented in her head. She muttered a strand of profanities under her breath and clenched her fists. She went through the living room and into the kitchen. It looked as if a tornado with nothing but paints, food coloring and markers had blown through it. Emma sat in the middle of the multi colored mess, coloring on her used to be pink shirt and laughing.

'How did she do this in 5 minutes?' Pepper wondered in astonishment. Then she remembered reality and snapped back to it. She picked a screaming Emma up and took her back to the bedroom. While Pepper dug through Emma's bag looking for clean clothes, she called checked the time. It was only 6.

"Ugh, six more hours with this kid!" Pepper whined. She tossed a starry pastel rainbow nightgown on her bed and zipped up the bag. She unclipped Emma's overalls and then told her in a firm voice to get changed.

"Help!" Emma said as her nightgown got caught on her bow. Pepper took the bow out of Emma's hair and pulled the nightgown the rest of the way over the child's head.

"Stay here. I'll tell you when to come out for dinner. If you move again, I'll call your mother." Pepper sat down at the table in the kitchen and stared at the task in front of her. She had to clean the whole kitchen, plus Emma's clothes. Glancing into the living room, she noticed that only Tony was there.

"Tony, where's Rhodey?" she asked.

"He left." Tony said. Noticing the kitchen, he added, "I'll help you with that if you want."

"Thanks Tony."

"That's all I get? What, no kiss?" Tony asked in a falsely hurt tone.

"Don't push it." Pepper said while rolling her eyes. She grabbed the paper towels and the bottle of cleaner.

"Hey, I just realized something! You could have stopped Emma from doing this! Why didn't you?"

"Because you told me and I quote, 'Sit, stay and be quiet.'" Tony explained. Pepper smacked her forehead and continued to clean.

"How long did it take her to do this?" Tony asked his girlfriend.

"About five minutes."

"And how long will it take us to clean this?"

"About five hours if you don't shut up and start."

-to be called round 2


	8. Just Call Me Cinderella

Pepper and Tony were exhausted and not even a ¼ of kitchen was clean. They'd already used 2 whole rolls of paper towels and 2 bottles of cleaner each on just the counters.

"Never again will I babysit! Thank goodness Emma's mom sympathizes with me and says that I don't have to babysit her again!" Pepper said as she cleaned the sink up. Emma had poured food coloring in it and stained the metal.

"I can't say I blame you. I don't know how you put up her. I'd have strangled her. I don't care if I'm Iron Man or not, my perfect record would be marred and I'd be in court." Tony said to lighten the mood. Pepper gave him a small smile and went back to cleaning. She looked around and checked for any more evidence that a child had colored the kitchen that she may have left. She saw a small speck on the top cabinet door and cleaned it off.

"I think that's all Tony!" Pepper exclaimed happily. She skipped around joyfully and slipped on the tile.

"Whoa there Pepper! Don't kill yourself!" Tony scolded as he helped her up off the floor. She stuck her tongue out at him and dusted herself off.

"What shall we do now, fair lady?" Tony said with the air of Romeo. Pepper rolled her eyes. Then she remembered something.

"Oh no! I just remembered that we have a book report due on Thursday! I haven't even started yet!" she ranted. She looked at Tony for help.

"Pepper, it's Friday. Thursday is six days away. Chill out. I got it covered. My computer is doing the report as we speak." he said with a smug voice.

"Thank you sooooooooooooo much Tony!" Pepper said, knocking a soda over onto the carpeted half of the floor as she proceeded to hug Tony. She looked up at her boyfriend with a 'you've got to be kidding me' face.

"Just call me Cinderella." she cleaned the carpet.


End file.
